I had a roommate I'd been in a relationship with from 2003-2005. We were also in a relationship during that time, but parted ways as friends due to personal reasons.
The same roommate had some medical issues she had been born with, as well as some emotional baggage that she'd never quite been able to get past. The latter was the reason we went our own ways, because her emotional instability and some of her lifestyle choices were becoming detrimental to my sanity.
We remained friends, though and continued to maintain an irregular pattern of communication.
My friend, Natalie, also had a daughter, Brenna, who was living with Natalie's mother, because the medical complications made it hard to be a reliable mother. At the time I met her daughter, she was about 6 years old. Now she is almost 11, and has figured out myspace and email. I consider her as much family as I would if she were my daughter and maintained some communication with her as well.
The point is: a few weeks ago, I spoke to Natalie and she told me about some new medical scenarios that were scaring her, because this time, she may not live through it. She was living with a friend, but the phone availability was not reliable for her. I tried to talk to her again, with no luck reaching her. About 2-3 weeks went by with no word from Natalie.
Finally, I got an email from Brenna to tell me that she had died Oct 21 and that Brenna would very much like to see me (it had been 5-6 years since I'd been to Richmond, where she lived) and the funeral was Oct 27, Tuesday.
I went, of course. I wish the circumstances of seeing Brenna had been better, but I felt as close to her on Tuesday as I had the first time Brenna had looked up to me and decided she liked me as the potential father figure I would have been had Natalie and I stayed together. She, Brenna, at 6 years old, decided I was "daddy" and called me that out of the blue. Surprised the hell out of me, but of course I couldn't help but love her and picked her up like she wanted. At 11 years old, I don't know if Brenna remembers doing that but she does remember me as the one man in her mom's life that she actually liked. Her father spent the majority of her life not making any effort to be part of it, except the occasional call or letter. Recently, I found that he lives in Cali with a new wife and kids, but does make a point to talk to Brenna on occasion. I am both glad of this and yet apprehensive because I think he should have been doing that all her life like I tried to when I was able.
There were periods where I was not able to reach Brenna or even Natalie for months at a time, but they never left my mind. I can't be certain Johnny had the same emotional dedication.
I am adding a new poem in Natalie's honor, and may eventually design some art with it.
I have made effort to renew communication with Brenna and promised her that if she wants to reach me, all she has to do is email or call. Being as much family as ever to me now, she is also my one remaining link to a figure of my past that has taught me much about myself and given me both an understanding of love and the challenges of dealing with a broken soul who is unprepared to make the changes needed to fix what's wrong in her life.